so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
