I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
