oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
