Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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