Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
