I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize