Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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