listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
