I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
