I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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