Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
