who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
