How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
