I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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