i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
