I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
