i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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