Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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