i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she smelled like a LAN party
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
