dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize