Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
