remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
