You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
it's great music for shaving your balls
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
