in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
