ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
