Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
