Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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