8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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