i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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