On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize