Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
