I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
