I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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