If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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