no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
