You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
