I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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