I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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