It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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