i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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