So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
