it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize