This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
