You can't special order awesome
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
