Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize