...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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