I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize