Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
