I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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