Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
