Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
please come you make the beer taste better
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
