we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize