you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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