he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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