she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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