just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
