she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
