dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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