lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
