Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
