totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
