just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
