I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
