just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize