Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
