It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
