If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
