Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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