I should be sponsored by Trojan
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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