he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
