Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
