I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
