i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
bring money and cleavage
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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