I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
