i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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