piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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