We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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