After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
