You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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