I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
