I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
